the whole earth shakes.

Some days, like today I feel like I'm just running through the motions of my life. Like, I'm not really here and none of it really matters. At the same time, I want to perform my absolute best at everything I do, and the second I mess up-even a little- I make myself believe that I'm not worth it. Not until I do it over and over again until I get it right. 

 I think i'm starting to fall behind in language for this second quarter because I'm so dang busy. I've heard, numerous times, that business is not what God wants from us. 

...

I'm not sure what to think.

...

Dear Heavenly Father, 

THANK YOU so much for my family! Thank you for bringing Melissa here safely this past weekend, and I pray that when she comes to visit during her break that you will keep her safe to and from OU once again. I hope that she is making all the right decisions, and choosing encouraging friends who will only lift her up, not tear her down. I pray she's safe, she's having a BLAST, aand she's maintaining her number one focus on you, and her priorities are in order. Thank you for her. I'm so grateful for my brothers, too, God. They're both SO different, it's indescribable. Dylon and I are becoming closer, and Drew and Melissa (i feel) have always been close. It's not that Dylon and I are a team against Drew and Melissa, that's just the way we get along..and jazz. =)) Thank you, Lord for each of them. Most of all, I thank you for my parents. They sacrifice so muchh, I never looked past my pride to see that they really do love us, and everything they do, they know it'll be for the best. What comforts me most is that they love you, and keep you ranked above alll else-the way it should be; therefore, I trust them completely...because I trust you with my whole ♥.  

God, I give you alllllll of me! Please rid me of my pride, my lack of humility, my jealousy of others_I don't need what others have because i have the only thing i need-YOU!...I also give you everything i'm not: I'm not perfect, I'm not beautiful (except in your eyes =D ), I have trust issues, I worry, I'm nervous around boys..and it's annoying. 

Please give me patience to wait for the ONE guy. My first kiss. My last kiss. My true love. My man from you. haha because I know the guy you have for me is going to be "my man." =)) lol.  

About college...lay it on my heart, speak to me, INTERVENE, Lord. Tell me what college is for me. Grace College? That one really stood out, but I cannot find the cost anywheree. I know i need to do my part, and LOOK some more. =)) 

oh goodness. i pray about the most random things...in the most awkward way. hehh.

                                                                                I love you.

                                                                        In Jesus' name I pray,

                                                                                  Amen. 

whoosp.

- I am extremely conservative (just found out the other day)

- perhaps too often, I take things for grantid

- I take things too seriously

-i want to do the world good

- i want to live for God, be his bond servant

**I'm willing, Lord. Let your light shine through me. God, you are so good! <3>**

- still miss the pentagon

- i need to focus on 1)God  2)school  3)college  4)cheerleading; therefore, dating is out of the question  ...even if i do kinda sorta maybe like himm a lot a bit because it's NOT TIME. My life will fall into place the way God wants it to, WHEN God wants it to. true that.

-I confuse people much too often

-i have major trust issues

-i will not take any BOLOGNA from anyybooddyyy

-i'll probably tell you how i feel, even if you don't think you want to hear it and it may take me a while...

-i'm afraid to love.

- i long for a deeper relationship with God. It makes me beam with delight and joy to know that God wants [notice: he doesn't "need"] a relationship with me. HE WANTS A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME, (AND WITH EACH AND EVERY PERSON...)

-i'm against abortion (yes, even in cases of rape)

-i'm afraid to share or show my feelings (although i may be getting better...?)

-i'm not independent enough. . i'm just not enough for my parents. =/

-i'm not perfect, but everyday i can strive to be not necessarily perfect, but more like Jesus Christ, God's only son

-THANK YOU, GOD for sending JC to die for my sins! I am such a ..sinner! yet you have an undying, consisten love for me...you are SO WORTHY! worthy of our praises. 

I LOVE YOU, LORD.♥

you want more random? you got it, sistahh.

ran-dickity-om amazazaing thought-izzles. [mhm]

ahem...i was doing my devotions yesterday, aaand i read something that i interpreted as this:

     When you conform to this jaded world, you are "cheating on" God. You have the wrong driving force behind your desires. It is crystal clear- BLACK and WHITE- that we cannot be considered friends with the world, AND friends of God. [James 4:1-12]

prretty powerful stuff, huh?

oh, and last week i read something that made me think..i mean really contemplate the things I say... i was reading James [Ch's 1-3] aand basically it says: one cannot speak praises and cursing out of the same mouth; you cannot speak words of discouragement and vulgarity if you claim to praise God and lift those around you up. to quote James 3:5 "So also, the tongue is a small thing, but what damage it can do. ...Blessing and Cursing cannot come out of the same mouth."

period.

i have too much to say to wriiiite. agghh. 

Lord God Almighty, you are the one and only God. You created every individual, every creature, every miraculous design of this earth. I was just looking at the moon on my way home from Alexa's and it amazes me the beauty you have made. You are my creator. My savioR. THANK YOU for my life. i love my life. i may get discouraged or down cast at timees, but you're always there, waiting for me to call on you. PLEASE intervene in my life. make it CLEAR, no doubts, what college you want me to go to. I'm almost positive it's Grace College in Indiana, but i want it to be undeniably obvious to me. I pray for any others who are continuing to look for a college, or those who have even found a college, i pray that you direct them. put it in their minds where they need to go. provide ways for those less fortunate to find a way to pay for colllege. protect the WORLD, Lord. i love you so much. forgive me for allll of my sins..

                                                                               Amen. 

<3

Fresh Start

I am going to continue with this prayer journal of mine; however, because I seem to have been going about it the wrong way, I'm choosing a different route. First of all, I apologize to all and any I may have offended. That was the LAST thing on my mind when starting this! - I am sorry!)

     To: God

Lord, you are truly amazing. You are perfect, and I want to live for you all the days of my life. I am your bond servant. You are all I need in this life, this world has absolutely nothing for me. Please help me to be strong in my relationship with youu. Give me words to speak, actions to be followed, I'm here to serve. Help me to disregard my own feelings at times so that I can put others above myself. I have been way too selfish in the past, and even recently, than I would like. Forgive me for disrespecting both of my parents, swearing, being a jerk to my old friends. FORGIVE ME. (I hope that they forgive me, too. =/ )

It isn't difficult for us, as humans, to doubt God's existence because he is so perfect, and he loves us so muchhh. 

"If you're looking for something other than God, you will never be satisfied." I GUARANTEE IT! 

"WE [as followers of Christ] "NEED EACH OTHER!" <3

I think I have finally found the college I'm going to! =))

Do you know where you're going/ what you're doing? 

Comment if you wishhh. =))+

pineapple crumb cake! [x2]

so0, i have no idea how to "folllow" other peoples' blogs. please help! =))

so today was much much mucchhh better than last night. not that i didn't have fun last night because i DID have fun. i had a blassstt! i was just upset 'bout the dumbest things, aaand i hardly wrote about all the wonders i experienced last night. [o0h yeah.]

anywho0o, i have a LOT of hw due tomorrow, seeing that i was absent thurs.and fri. of last weeeek, but fortunately, i'm just about done. which is whyy i'm on here. =)
oh, goodness, i love life.

"BOOP!..i love you...i want to scream it at the top of my lungs...on top of a building...I LOVE MY BEST FRIEND!" -hehe only good part.

i'm freezing.

oh, i almost forgot...
LORD, THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING I AM, AND THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING I AM NOT. I PRAY I WILL BE ABLE TO CONQUER MY JEALOUSY BECAUSE I'M SICK AN' TIRED OF BEING ENVIOUS OF OTHER PEOPLE. THERE'S NO NEED FOR ME, OR ANYONE ELSE, TO DESIRE WHAT ANOTHER PERSON HAS. YOU HAVE GIVEN ME ENOUGH, AND YOU CONTINUE TO GIVE. GOLLY, YOU'RE WONDERFUL! <3 FORGIVE ME FOR DISRESPECTING MY PARENTS-ESPECIALLY MY MOM- LIKE ALLL DAY TODAY. =/ I WAS JUST SO FRUSTRATED WITH LAST NIGHT, AND SCHOOL. I LOVE YOU, GOD! =))
PROTECT EVERY SINGLE PERSON FROM EVERGREEN, AND JUST WATCH OVER THEM AND THEIR FAMILIES AND FRIENDS.

OH, ONE MORE THING, GOD I PRAY THAT WHOEVER TOOK MY CAMERA WILL RETURN IT TO EITHER THE SCHOOL OFFICE OR ME PERSONALLY, SO THAT I MAY HAVE IT IN MY POSSESSION ONCE AGAIN. I FEEL TERRIBLE FOR "MISPLACING"IT. (ALTHOUGH, I DIDN'T..I KNOW SOMEONE TOOK IT...IDC, AS LONG AS THEY GIVE IT BACK VERRYRYYY VERYY SOON!!!)

lovelovelove.x3

crushed.

1) i lost my new camera at HC, good to know i can trust people at my own schoool.
2) because of #1, my mother hates me. she called me "stupid" twice, aand i believe she used the term "irresponsible" several times.
3) i found out that some people gossip aweful about me behind my back, but are nice to my face. (more people than i'd like to believe)
4)i also found out that some guy "friends" ignore me for no reason, or any reason that i'm aware of. aand quite frankly, it's frustrating! i've been told to apologize to him, this guy friend, but what the frickkin HECKK am i supposed to apologize FOR?
5)i'm a loser...that, or i smell. of course, it could be a combination of the two. no one wanted to dance with me.



this all happened at HOMECOMINNNGGG! -woo. =/



on the plus side, brittnee halpin, katie mohr, alexa young, jessica karabinus, nickk zenz aaand a few others are WONDERFUL people and SUPERTASTIC friendsss! (oh, and danielle and charles, but they weren't at HC)


God, i have no idea what your plan is with my life. How could i be so ...STUPID. i mean, i came to HC-without a date i might add- and i was totally fine. ready to have a blasst. my hair and nails and makeup were done up, so i had that little extra boost of confidence. However, i let the little things get to me, and now i'm a loser who's missing her camera, aaand on top of that, my own mother hates me. speaking of which, she didn't even ask if i had fun. she just keeps repeating herself about how that was STUPID, and "Grandma will be crushed..." aand "irresponsible" and "that's ridiculous...a**anine..." yadda yadda. WHY THE HECCCKKK did you make me? i have no friggin PURPOSE!!! OHMIGOOOOOOODNESS. i am so0 frustrated, i don't even know..jalskdfj;oaiefjoi;awelkf;awl;ksjf!!!


Please help me, God! i need youuu SO muchh. =(
i'm sickk of being so darn sensitive_it's annoying.


tired. i hope everyone else who went to HC, or those who didn't go, had a WONNDDERRFFULLL-labulous time! =))