2009 ♥

HAPPY NEW YEAR! [in approx. 2 and a half hours] =D


i'm so thankful, Lord. you are my everything, and i'll give you anything. <33 Be near, oh God, be near oh God above. your nearness is to us our good.

Lord God ALMIGHTY, please protect us-each and every one of us-this coming year of 2009. Protect our hearts and our minds. Guide us, Lord, so that we may follow you and ONLY you. You are EVERYTHING, God. your grace is enough. more than enough. YOU are more than enough for me. Thank you. Thank you for sending Jesus to die on the cross for my sins. THANK YOU for forgiving me. THANK YOU for the many oppurtunities open to me to learn patience and confidence and self-control. THANK YOU for my family_each person is so0 unique and so..wonderfully made. THANK YOU for my LIFE, God. i still wonder_quite frequently_ WHY you created me, and even though i may never know (any time soon?) YOU know, and that is all that matters. Please help me to live for you in absolutely everything i do. every breath i take, God, guide me. Help me to watch what i say, what i watch (movies), what i listen to (music)..i have gotten a little better, but there are times when i catch myself listening to something and i feel a tad guilty. Forgive me, Lord for disobeying you, for not listening to you. Sometimes i feel like i'm "all talk" and i don't do anything to prove my love for you. i know that you know i love you, but i'd like to prove it to you through my actions and through my words. it's said that how an individual acts/reacts at home, with their family, is how that person really is. it's their
"real self" if this is true, then help me to first work on my life with my family. Help me to contain my frustration and hypocracy. [Forgive me_♥] God, thank you for my friend, Amanda Briggs. She has taught me SO much in the short amount of time that i've known her. i am incredibly grateful to have met her, and i feel you have so much more to teach me...through her. THANK YOU!

again..HAPPY NEW YEAR -twothousandnine- to ALL! and to ALL a wonderful, and blessed, and safe niight/week. =))

God Bless each and every person!

GOD IS GOOD. [you have no0 idear!] =D ♥lovelovelove♥

juust kidding in that last entryy. =))

mm. i'm in FLORIDA right now_ hecky pes! =D eighty degree weather. neverending sunshine. lizards and animals frolicking about. (lol) mm my father-eldest, mother dearest, sister-Melis and dill&dyrew and myself are visiting our family...whom we haven't seen in close-to 4 years! they're absolutely wonderful! =)) our family here_in Fl_owns a dog, Jake. aand he basically hates me and only me. =/ my sister, or someone else will be tickling meghan (4 year old cousin) and making her giggle, laugh, jump around, etc. so0 jake sees/hears this aand automatically thinks meghan is in trouble..so, for SOME reason, he starts barking his face off at ME..and nipping and growling and go0ing absolutely ca-razy...attacking me. aand i could be on the opposite side of the room, but if meghan or ashley(meghan's sisterr-9 years old) seem to be "in trouble" according to jake, then he'll attack me.

lol. he's cuuute, though! =)) i liike him. jake is oober playful and wonderful, but my family is even more wonderful! =D they are non-stop play and crazy and eat and bouncy...yet at the same time, oddly obedient and mature. =)) hehh.

aghh, i canNOT believe we're here! =D ♥

o0, the best part of this whole thing is that our family here, in Florida, had NO idea we were coming for Christmas! we completely SURPRISED THEM! <33 it was wonderful... my aunt Lisa and Ashley screamed. my grandpa just stared...and got all teary-eyed. he was speechless. o0 best of all [or worst of all?] we almost killed my grandmaaa. =o she opened the door to her apartment and saw my mom-ther standing there. she lost her breath and i thought we were going to have to take her to the hospital. she started crying and telling us over and over afterwards that she thought she was dreaming or that we were each look-alikes. (because you know how everyone in the world has a look-alike..?) hehh. yes. oh goodness, i'll never forget that. =))

mm welp, that's about it.

have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS! [remember: JESUS is the ONLY REASON for the season!..he's the real gift! =D] ♥♥♥

grawwrrrr

JEREMY MIDDLETON IS A LOSER. [x infinityyyyyy] 

he likes embarrassing me.

meany.

fine, we're not going tomorrroooowwwwww. =P

GOD IS GOOD.

i am bored. this is true. la la la & poo poo poo. =)) *teehee* ahemm...i still haven't found my digital camera, but honestly it doesn't bother me anymore. it's not that i don't care or don't want it, or that i've lost hope in finding it...it's just that i think whoever took it needed it more than i did, so if it makes them happy, they can keep it. i have my family and my friends and my heroes..and most importantly i have GOD! <33 class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 0);">"All i need is you, Lord. is YOU, Lord. all i need is you. ...this world has NOTHING for me. i will follow you....'cuz i need you, Jesus to come to my rescue. where else can i go? there is NO OTHER name by WHICH I AM SAVED. oh, capture me with grace, i will FOLLOW YOU!..." ♥

i do believe God is fully and utterly capable of fulfilling any hope any desire any purpose he so chooses. we have to have faith. stand together. i like what Pastor Gregg [youth pastor at Calvary] said during sunday school yesterday.. something like "we, as followers of Christ don't need to be fighting/arguing with one another about little disputes that all have the same focal point-which is loving God and putting God first. Instead, we should be fighting, breaking down the enemy. Bringing people up, and not allowing them to be deceived by our prideful actions in quarreling with one another."  it reminds me of Sanctus Real's song "We Need Each Other" it's SO true. we, as Christians canNOT do this by ourselves. we cannot do anything by ourselves. Yes, God is always always ALLWAAAYYYSS with us, but we need to build one another up. we need to help each other. hold each other accountable. =)) WE CAN DO IT! <33

life sucks

quite simply that.  i feel completely inadequate. i'm irresponsible. i never get anything done when i'm supposed to. i procrastinate like no other. my ex-BEST friends and i don't exactlly "hang out" anymore. i'm so confused about how i WANT to feel, and how God wants me to feel. [ you wouldn't understand]. i'm sick of being mocked. i'm even more sick of people mocking God. you selfish, arrogant, clueless people; how can you NOT see how much God has given you? and for what? your LOVE. your stinkin LOVE is all he wants in return for all the pleasures, and riches and luxuries of this world. He's given them to us, yes, but he wants you to see that these earthly materials are not what life is all about. we're spoiled ROTTEN. even if you say you're "poor" you have no idea. if you have clothes to wear (even if it's the same sweatshirt everyday) you've got half the world beat. if you have food at least once a day_whew boyy, you're rich. 

i don't know what to make of my friends.

i don't know what to make of my family.

i don't know what to make of myself.

What do i make of my relationship with Christ? [i need help♥]

SPEAK LORD, I want TO LISTEN. _but am i listening?

spaghetti noodles in H2O

i have a magnificent wife. Her name is AMANDA. she's radical. <33

i screw a lot of things up.

you will never see me not giving my ALL.

SPEAK LORD, YOUR SERVANT IS LISTENING! [am i listening?]

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

please understand, i do not want to date at the moment.
one can never have too many friends! =))

oh jumping jehosephats!

i realllyyy NEED my camera, por favor.

LANGUAGE

i'm in language. i think i'm doing my presentation wrong. i guess i'll find out when i actually present.

i still need my digital camera. IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME. [mostly because my mom is still freaking out on me =/ ]

"Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall i then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? NEVER! Flee from sexual immorality..."

TO BE CONTINUED...

CLICHE is as CLICHE does

i had a random thought today: Why is it people who are dating feel it's necessary to hold hands? I mean, what's the significance of interlocking fingers with another person? To prove those two people are actually in a relationship? Do couples hold hands because that's how society views  part of "dating?"  I don't know, it's just something i was contemplating. [your personal nput would be greatly appreciated_i'm just curious]  =))

oh golly, i have an essay to write...still. I CAN DO IT! 

"i can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." That verse is...so serene. 

I have a cellular device that i enjoy communicating on. [Yes, now everyone can actually get ahold of meeee]  =))

still have not located my digital camera_i wish that whoever took it would PLEASE return it. [i will NOT be upset. PROMISE. i just want it baccckkk. i honestly, don't care who took it for what reason, and i highly doubt they NEEDED it more than mee.] =/ 

life-take it or leave it.

Stressful points in my life atm:

_thinking about College[s]

_deciding on my major

_worrying about upcoming financial issues

_actually starting to worry about the next President elected

_i'm not as independent as i desire to be

_i spend too much time doing unnecessary things rather than something productive

_i procrastinate with my school work and searching colleges and scheduling college visits

_my heart is discontent

_i think i put school, cheerleading and even my "down time" above God. ='(

_still have not located my digital camera

_my parents don't trust me

_a lot of the cheerleaders are better at cheerleading than i am (i don't understand how they have time to practiice!)

_i feel..lost at school (socially)

_i find my self worrying more and more about what others think of me [IT'S BOLOGNA!]

_i don't understand what Mrs. Desmond is asking of our Language Class for the keynote presentations (i wish danielle was hheeere =/  )

_i miss danielle

_i hate when people -namely, guys- send mixed signals

_some people are nice to my face, but talk nasty about me behind my backk. i wish that weren't so.

_i feel like i'm trying too hard sometimes to maintain somewhat of a friendship between me and rita, me and dakota, and sometimes me and mel

I thought senior year was supposed to be..different. 

How do I make the most of it?  [God, HELP ME, please!] ♥

the whole earth shakes.

Some days, like today I feel like I'm just running through the motions of my life. Like, I'm not really here and none of it really matters. At the same time, I want to perform my absolute best at everything I do, and the second I mess up-even a little- I make myself believe that I'm not worth it. Not until I do it over and over again until I get it right. 

 I think i'm starting to fall behind in language for this second quarter because I'm so dang busy. I've heard, numerous times, that business is not what God wants from us. 

...

I'm not sure what to think.

...

Dear Heavenly Father, 

THANK YOU so much for my family! Thank you for bringing Melissa here safely this past weekend, and I pray that when she comes to visit during her break that you will keep her safe to and from OU once again. I hope that she is making all the right decisions, and choosing encouraging friends who will only lift her up, not tear her down. I pray she's safe, she's having a BLAST, aand she's maintaining her number one focus on you, and her priorities are in order. Thank you for her. I'm so grateful for my brothers, too, God. They're both SO different, it's indescribable. Dylon and I are becoming closer, and Drew and Melissa (i feel) have always been close. It's not that Dylon and I are a team against Drew and Melissa, that's just the way we get along..and jazz. =)) Thank you, Lord for each of them. Most of all, I thank you for my parents. They sacrifice so muchh, I never looked past my pride to see that they really do love us, and everything they do, they know it'll be for the best. What comforts me most is that they love you, and keep you ranked above alll else-the way it should be; therefore, I trust them completely...because I trust you with my whole ♥.  

God, I give you alllllll of me! Please rid me of my pride, my lack of humility, my jealousy of others_I don't need what others have because i have the only thing i need-YOU!...I also give you everything i'm not: I'm not perfect, I'm not beautiful (except in your eyes =D ), I have trust issues, I worry, I'm nervous around boys..and it's annoying. 

Please give me patience to wait for the ONE guy. My first kiss. My last kiss. My true love. My man from you. haha because I know the guy you have for me is going to be "my man." =)) lol.  

About college...lay it on my heart, speak to me, INTERVENE, Lord. Tell me what college is for me. Grace College? That one really stood out, but I cannot find the cost anywheree. I know i need to do my part, and LOOK some more. =)) 

oh goodness. i pray about the most random things...in the most awkward way. hehh.

                                                                                I love you.

                                                                        In Jesus' name I pray,

                                                                                  Amen. 

whoosp.

- I am extremely conservative (just found out the other day)

- perhaps too often, I take things for grantid

- I take things too seriously

-i want to do the world good

- i want to live for God, be his bond servant

**I'm willing, Lord. Let your light shine through me. God, you are so good! <3>**

- still miss the pentagon

- i need to focus on 1)God  2)school  3)college  4)cheerleading; therefore, dating is out of the question  ...even if i do kinda sorta maybe like himm a lot a bit because it's NOT TIME. My life will fall into place the way God wants it to, WHEN God wants it to. true that.

-I confuse people much too often

-i have major trust issues

-i will not take any BOLOGNA from anyybooddyyy

-i'll probably tell you how i feel, even if you don't think you want to hear it and it may take me a while...

-i'm afraid to love.

- i long for a deeper relationship with God. It makes me beam with delight and joy to know that God wants [notice: he doesn't "need"] a relationship with me. HE WANTS A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME, (AND WITH EACH AND EVERY PERSON...)

-i'm against abortion (yes, even in cases of rape)

-i'm afraid to share or show my feelings (although i may be getting better...?)

-i'm not independent enough. . i'm just not enough for my parents. =/

-i'm not perfect, but everyday i can strive to be not necessarily perfect, but more like Jesus Christ, God's only son

-THANK YOU, GOD for sending JC to die for my sins! I am such a ..sinner! yet you have an undying, consisten love for me...you are SO WORTHY! worthy of our praises. 

I LOVE YOU, LORD.♥

you want more random? you got it, sistahh.

ran-dickity-om amazazaing thought-izzles. [mhm]

ahem...i was doing my devotions yesterday, aaand i read something that i interpreted as this:

     When you conform to this jaded world, you are "cheating on" God. You have the wrong driving force behind your desires. It is crystal clear- BLACK and WHITE- that we cannot be considered friends with the world, AND friends of God. [James 4:1-12]

prretty powerful stuff, huh?

oh, and last week i read something that made me think..i mean really contemplate the things I say... i was reading James [Ch's 1-3] aand basically it says: one cannot speak praises and cursing out of the same mouth; you cannot speak words of discouragement and vulgarity if you claim to praise God and lift those around you up. to quote James 3:5 "So also, the tongue is a small thing, but what damage it can do. ...Blessing and Cursing cannot come out of the same mouth."

period.

i have too much to say to wriiiite. agghh. 

Lord God Almighty, you are the one and only God. You created every individual, every creature, every miraculous design of this earth. I was just looking at the moon on my way home from Alexa's and it amazes me the beauty you have made. You are my creator. My savioR. THANK YOU for my life. i love my life. i may get discouraged or down cast at timees, but you're always there, waiting for me to call on you. PLEASE intervene in my life. make it CLEAR, no doubts, what college you want me to go to. I'm almost positive it's Grace College in Indiana, but i want it to be undeniably obvious to me. I pray for any others who are continuing to look for a college, or those who have even found a college, i pray that you direct them. put it in their minds where they need to go. provide ways for those less fortunate to find a way to pay for colllege. protect the WORLD, Lord. i love you so much. forgive me for allll of my sins..

                                                                               Amen. 

<3

Fresh Start

I am going to continue with this prayer journal of mine; however, because I seem to have been going about it the wrong way, I'm choosing a different route. First of all, I apologize to all and any I may have offended. That was the LAST thing on my mind when starting this! - I am sorry!)

     To: God

Lord, you are truly amazing. You are perfect, and I want to live for you all the days of my life. I am your bond servant. You are all I need in this life, this world has absolutely nothing for me. Please help me to be strong in my relationship with youu. Give me words to speak, actions to be followed, I'm here to serve. Help me to disregard my own feelings at times so that I can put others above myself. I have been way too selfish in the past, and even recently, than I would like. Forgive me for disrespecting both of my parents, swearing, being a jerk to my old friends. FORGIVE ME. (I hope that they forgive me, too. =/ )

It isn't difficult for us, as humans, to doubt God's existence because he is so perfect, and he loves us so muchhh. 

"If you're looking for something other than God, you will never be satisfied." I GUARANTEE IT! 

"WE [as followers of Christ] "NEED EACH OTHER!" <3

I think I have finally found the college I'm going to! =))

Do you know where you're going/ what you're doing? 

Comment if you wishhh. =))+

pineapple crumb cake! [x2]

so0, i have no idea how to "folllow" other peoples' blogs. please help! =))

so today was much much mucchhh better than last night. not that i didn't have fun last night because i DID have fun. i had a blassstt! i was just upset 'bout the dumbest things, aaand i hardly wrote about all the wonders i experienced last night. [o0h yeah.]

anywho0o, i have a LOT of hw due tomorrow, seeing that i was absent thurs.and fri. of last weeeek, but fortunately, i'm just about done. which is whyy i'm on here. =)
oh, goodness, i love life.

"BOOP!..i love you...i want to scream it at the top of my lungs...on top of a building...I LOVE MY BEST FRIEND!" -hehe only good part.

i'm freezing.

oh, i almost forgot...
LORD, THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING I AM, AND THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING I AM NOT. I PRAY I WILL BE ABLE TO CONQUER MY JEALOUSY BECAUSE I'M SICK AN' TIRED OF BEING ENVIOUS OF OTHER PEOPLE. THERE'S NO NEED FOR ME, OR ANYONE ELSE, TO DESIRE WHAT ANOTHER PERSON HAS. YOU HAVE GIVEN ME ENOUGH, AND YOU CONTINUE TO GIVE. GOLLY, YOU'RE WONDERFUL! <3 FORGIVE ME FOR DISRESPECTING MY PARENTS-ESPECIALLY MY MOM- LIKE ALLL DAY TODAY. =/ I WAS JUST SO FRUSTRATED WITH LAST NIGHT, AND SCHOOL. I LOVE YOU, GOD! =))
PROTECT EVERY SINGLE PERSON FROM EVERGREEN, AND JUST WATCH OVER THEM AND THEIR FAMILIES AND FRIENDS.

OH, ONE MORE THING, GOD I PRAY THAT WHOEVER TOOK MY CAMERA WILL RETURN IT TO EITHER THE SCHOOL OFFICE OR ME PERSONALLY, SO THAT I MAY HAVE IT IN MY POSSESSION ONCE AGAIN. I FEEL TERRIBLE FOR "MISPLACING"IT. (ALTHOUGH, I DIDN'T..I KNOW SOMEONE TOOK IT...IDC, AS LONG AS THEY GIVE IT BACK VERRYRYYY VERYY SOON!!!)

lovelovelove.x3

crushed.

1) i lost my new camera at HC, good to know i can trust people at my own schoool.
2) because of #1, my mother hates me. she called me "stupid" twice, aand i believe she used the term "irresponsible" several times.
3) i found out that some people gossip aweful about me behind my back, but are nice to my face. (more people than i'd like to believe)
4)i also found out that some guy "friends" ignore me for no reason, or any reason that i'm aware of. aand quite frankly, it's frustrating! i've been told to apologize to him, this guy friend, but what the frickkin HECKK am i supposed to apologize FOR?
5)i'm a loser...that, or i smell. of course, it could be a combination of the two. no one wanted to dance with me.



this all happened at HOMECOMINNNGGG! -woo. =/



on the plus side, brittnee halpin, katie mohr, alexa young, jessica karabinus, nickk zenz aaand a few others are WONDERFUL people and SUPERTASTIC friendsss! (oh, and danielle and charles, but they weren't at HC)


God, i have no idea what your plan is with my life. How could i be so ...STUPID. i mean, i came to HC-without a date i might add- and i was totally fine. ready to have a blasst. my hair and nails and makeup were done up, so i had that little extra boost of confidence. However, i let the little things get to me, and now i'm a loser who's missing her camera, aaand on top of that, my own mother hates me. speaking of which, she didn't even ask if i had fun. she just keeps repeating herself about how that was STUPID, and "Grandma will be crushed..." aand "irresponsible" and "that's ridiculous...a**anine..." yadda yadda. WHY THE HECCCKKK did you make me? i have no friggin PURPOSE!!! OHMIGOOOOOOODNESS. i am so0 frustrated, i don't even know..jalskdfj;oaiefjoi;awelkf;awl;ksjf!!!


Please help me, God! i need youuu SO muchh. =(
i'm sickk of being so darn sensitive_it's annoying.


tired. i hope everyone else who went to HC, or those who didn't go, had a WONNDDERRFFULLL-labulous time! =))

yours truly

so0 i'm going to bet that almost every person that has a blog will write a post, if he or she has not already done so, about Homecoming! =)) which is tomorroww. speaking of which, we won our HC game against swanton_yay for us, but thumbs up to swanton, too. anywho0o, i hope that everyone in our school will be there [at the dance.] i know some people are not going for..whatever reasons they have; nevertheless, i hope that whatever they're doing, they have loads of fun. aAnd, i pray that they alll make the right choices in everything they do. MADD. (molly against destructive decisions)_lol.

Lord, thank you for my life! Thank you for all of those who are my friends (past AND present), thank you for my acquaintances-the one's I have already met, and the ones I will meet in my future. I pray that whatever you have in store for me tonight, tomorrow, sunday..whatever it is, i pray that i will obey you. your will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. <3 God, you are so undescribably, unfathomably amazzazaing, ........please forgive me for my sins. forgive me for having negative thoughts/bad attitude toward Mrs. Erskin, and forgive me for disrespecting my parents. I love you so0 much Lord, and I love my wonderful parents, but sometimes i think about my own feelings rather than theirs, so i tend to speak, lead by my emotions. =/ forgive me Lord. i love you so0 much, and i pray that everyone has sweet dreams tonight, no one has bad dreams. aAnd i pray you will intervene in my life..in EVERYONE'S life. (everyone=everyone on earth!) =D
I pray for ALY and K_Y, that they will see how much YOU really love them, so they can finally see that they do love eachother, too. idk about everyone else, but i want to love everyone the way that you love me. i want everyone in the entire WORLD to know that they are each loved, and not only that, but YOU know each and every person by their NAME. that's incredible. God, i give you everything. i give you all of me. all i am, and all i'm not. take ALL of me, Lord. i surrender my life to you. you are in control. life happens on YOUR timing not mine. thank youu for being in control, thank you for sending Jesus to die on the cross for my sins, for errry'one's sins. =)) you are truly "God of wonders..." <3 i love love love love love you. i know you love me, for that, i thank you as well.
i pray for great gma, and gpa that they knew you before they each passed. they took their last breath when you told them to. everything is done for a purpose, the purpose you have for us. you know what will happen, what we'll say, where we'll go, how we'll act before we even do it.
i know everyone wants tomorrow to be special, and fun, and ...awesome! so0, i pray that erry'one stays safe, and makes smart decisions, aand just has an optimistic attitude about everything so that they'll have a good time. because i do believe that events, and other such things are what you make of it. if you go into a place/party/even school thinking it'll be boring and what not, it will most likely be. THINGS ARE WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT. same goes for knowing and loving you, Lord. i think too many peoplea re confused, or compeltely unaware of who you really are. ...
pPlease, please PLEASE use me Lord. i am completely open to you, i surrender allll. take my dreams, take my worries, my loneliness, my stress, my self-confidence...Lord, TAKE ME.

Simplest of all love songs, i want to sing to you. So i'll let my words be few:
JESUS, I AM SO IN LOVE WITH YOUU!!! <3
=)) =D o0h yeah.



God, one more thing, I pray for DC, RN, DW, EE, AC, KL and i pray that each of them will have a heart hungry for you, and they will want to know you more and more. we are never completely full, yet you satisfy our every need. i pray that each of these young adults will see how much you love them, and they will, in some way, come to know you, and accept you into their lives. i know a few of them have made wrong choices, but i pray that they have learned from them and they will realize the RIGHT thing to do, and DO the right thing. some people know what the right thing is, yet they choose to disobey, and follow ..the wrong crowd, the wrong path..i pray you will forgive them all, for they do not know how much it truly hurts to hear your name mocked, or to diss on you. you are their creator, their savior, their king, ...their maker. THANK YOU =))

i pray for anyone (EE, BH, MN, asKur, etc.) who may be having a difficult time, whether it's at home, at school, wiith a relationship, w/e the case, i pray that you'll guide their hearts and their minds. may they be relaxed with a sense of calmness. wash over them, so that they might hear your command. i know they love you, they just need to trust you. I need to trust you more myself, forgive me for doubting you in the least.

yours truly,
molly michelle.





okayy, so HC tomorrow. -woo! i think a whole lot of girlss are wearing a b-Lack dresss. because our school is white. [?]

=) ciao!

thankk you. =)

God, today was a wonderful day! at first, i thought it would be a down right aweful day seeing that i went to bed at 2:30somethin' and woke up at about 6 something. goodness. aand i was dreading going to school because i didn't have anything to wear for Sports Day today (spirit week). i mean, i wasn't going to purchase anything for spirit week, especially something i would wear only once. which reminds me, if Mrs. Carrie Erskin really did tell my parents, "...yeah, Molly's one of my favorites...i try to stick the other cheerleaders by her, especially the freshman because i want them to act like her...she has such a great attitude.." then why the frick does she only pertain "important" things like spirit week days, t-shirt designs, etc. to only tWO seniors when there are 6 of uss. aand it's the same two every time. ugh. i wanted to be treated the same, like my opinion matters, for once, to ms. whitacre..erskin* w/e. Lord, please intervene in my life! i feel so mistreated, so alone, and..unwanted at times. i know it's just the devil speaking to me, but i'm letting it get to me, and i know your love and your grace IS enough for me. help me, God. i need your guidance. give me wisdom. help me humble myself, and not desire so much attention from other people, especially from those who won't appreciate my opinion. anywayyy, so today turned out to be a graaand day because although i was tired..No, exhausted* ..i-idk, i felt like... i'm not sure, i just had this odd sense of ..confidence, and serenity that overwhelmed me today. i think a portion of it came from an encouraging comment i received last night from an old pal. it was encouraging, and made me feel like i still do matter, even when i think no one's listening. _thanks, evan._ Lord, thank you for bringing evan into my life. i'm so glad we had the chance to be such good friends sophomore yr, and even now, he's still a great friend. speaking of friends, i also thank youu for alexa and danielle. they are two of my most trusted, encouraging, attentive and understanding friends i have had for..YEARS. [and hopefully years to come.] i love them both so much, and i pray that you will protect them all the days of their lives, and guide them, Lord. i pray that they follow you, and depend on your understandings, and your word, not their own. i pray for every single person at evergreen, Lord. i pray that they will have a heart hungry for you, aand you will open the eyes of their hearts, that they might see you for who you are..how greatly you truly love them. it still astounds me! =)) I pray for forgiveness, God. forgive me for disrespecting my parents, and forgive me for allowing myself to listen to this secular world and almost giving up. (thanks again, evan. -it may seem a bit excessive to keep thanking you, but that little thiing seriously meant a lot. tehh) i know that this world has absolutely NOTHING to offer. nothing. aand i also know that your grace is enough for me. i love you, Lord, more than ANYTHING. a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. ♥ uhm, one more thing, Hosanna, thank you for my life, my family, my friends (past and present) i pray that tonight everyone will get their much-needed sleep, and tomorrow everyone will have a wonderful day. everyone in the WORLD*** will have a marvelous day, and people will wonder about you..about your creations...they will hunger for you. thirst for you. want to know you so0 badly that they will cry out to you. they will humble themselves.
Lord, help my to prioritise you as number one..ALWAYS. thank you for everything. oh! most importantly, THANK YOU for sending Jesus, your only son to die on the cross for my sins. for everyone's sins. that is INCREDIBLE. you love me so much, a sinner. that brings a tear of joy from my eye, streaming down my cheek, and traces my jaw. (lol) i love you, Lord.

Amen. <3

screww it.

that "prayer journal" thing is not going to happy because it finally hit me [like a car crash, i might add] that people DO NOT GIVE A CRAP. whatevverrr.


so0, i'm basically a religious loser that society has put me out to be_namely, my school* has put me out to be. i used to be so strong, i used to not care if other people thought i was "too christian" (even though there's no such thing.) however, since my CLOSEST friends (now like ex-friends) told me the same thing, and basically treated me like poop for awhile...i feel so weak, aand so0 friggin alone. i've lost too many friends, and i'm down to TWO bffs when i started out high school with 7. kinda succkss, but now i know who could put my beliefs aside, and still be my friend. oh, and since "i love God" and all, guys seem to be in disgust with me, so that's a bit of a downerr.


on a random note: alexa young (one of my bff's_ =D) came to church with me today, by her own choice, aaand she liked it, so she's coming again next week! yayy =))


despise all the loneliness, and weakness i'm experiencing, i still place God above all else..even when it's hard. my goodness, it is SO friggin frustrating trying to live my life for God and at the same time longing for the compassion from your friends..ex-friends..WHATEVER.


ugh.

el oh vee EE

in my opinion, if you're searching for love, and thinking only about who you're going to marry, who you're going to "date next" then you won't find that special someone anytime soon. i've caught on to other people's mistakes_as well as my own_ to finally see the truth, and that is that if you focus on what's important [such as school and work] and on what you love [hobbies/activities] then you will find that person when God wants you to. you see, we have no control over our lives. i mean, yeah we can make decisions, but why do you think that is? we didn't come out of nothing and automatically know how to adapt, and make decisions based on our gut feeling. that had to have come from something. Love had to be given to us. this is a little confusing, but the point i'm trying to make is that you will find that ONE special person eventually, and there will be not a single doubt in your mind...IF you live by God's word, and wait for his timing on things.

uhm, i'm really tired, so that's about it. g'night.

enjoy.

o0h baby.

hehe, so this is basically my very first blog e'err! (well, not including the solitary one i have on myspace.com/i_likepickles.) anywho0...i've had a prodigious amount of thinking, and i do believe it would be a splendid idear to make these blogs as my prayer journals. i thought it'd be neat because i'd like to remember what i pray about, and look back on them, and the way i talked to God. prayer is such a powerful thing, and it is oober important to me. this is all very cheesy, but that's how i like it. (do you like thattt?_inside joke; BFFALT.)


Lord, first of all thank you so0 much for my life. I have yet to understand why you created me, and what my purpose really is in this broken world. Thank you for my family, God. Although I may never tell them I love them, I do. So much! I pray that they know that I would do absolutely anything for each one of them, and I am so grateful to have such a loving, forgiving, humurous family. Thank you for my mother, she is unbelieveably caring, and I admit, sometimes it's a little extreme, but I know she's doing whatever she's doing for my benefit. Thank you for my father-eldest, he works incredibly hard for us. Even when we cannot afford to buy school clothes, a reed for my instrument, or pay for cheerleading or baton or a $200 dollar trip to Chicago, my dad always makes sacrifices to find a way to pay for my things. Infact, he's so giving, that I feel really very selfish at times. For example, my last birthday (17th) all I desired was a cell phone; I didn't even care if it was a crappy $100 dollar phone (how sad is it that $100 is like now the cheapest); however, we could not afford a cell phone, but my mom and dad bought me a camera instead. Golly, they know me too well. I was IN friggin LOVE with my camera! I was so0 happy, i even forgot that i wanted a phone in the first place. =)) That is a simple example of the sacrifices my dadio makes for us. And, Lord, thank you for my sister. I pray that she is safe at OU, and I pray she is having a good time, but remembering to focus on her studies. I hope she is making the right choices, hanging with people that will be of good example to her, and making friends that will help her make her walk stronger with you. Please protect her, and intervene in her life. I feel that she needs you now more than ever. I'm not sure why, but you do, and I wish her the best. As much as i'll ever deny it in public, (with the exception of this blog) i do love Melis. =) Last but not least, thank you for Dylon and Drew. I may get along better with dylon at times, but I love them equally. they're my favorite brothers -(haha.) Dylon seems to have a strong grasp on you, but Drew...well, he's another story. I pray for drew, that he will become hungrier for you, and desire to know you more and more each breath he takes. God, help both, dylon and drew to make the right choices. especially in their relationships with their girlfriends. they seem to be improving their struggles with school, but i believe they can do even better yet, so I pray that you will give them the motivation, and wisdom, Lord. Show them what's really important.

Please give me patience, Heavenly Father. I need to stop trying to depend on my own understandings and instead focus on you and your purposes for me. Honestly, i doubt at times that you will ever show me "that ONE guy" you have created for me. The one i will marry, and have a future with. Forgive me for doubting you, forgive me for not trusting your timing, forgive me for..everything. I LOVE YOU, so muchh. Help me to do a better job to serve you, and SHOW you that I love you. i mean, i know you are aware of my deep love for you, but I want to make it a priority to serve you. I want to make YOU my number ONE priority. you are all that matters, you are all that satisfies. you are MORE THAN ENOUGH for me, and i am so undeserving of your love, your grace. Again, I say..you are more than enough.

One more thing, I pray for all of the teachers and coaches at our school, I pray that you will keep them safe. Let them know you're with them, and please lift the weight of their shoulders, let them not be stressed or worried about anything. Give them a sense of calmess and joy.


I LOVE YOU, Lord God Almighty! <3

in precious Jesus' name i pray,
Amen.